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Saturday, 29 March 2008

about 5 minutes ago, i finished a super long post about all my frustrations and i posted it. then i decided to read my first post and it just hit me. what kind of testimony would it be if after only three months since that resolution to keep a smile on my face, i go and write a post about my problems and just rant at the world. it's hard to look to God in tough situations and it's hard to stay positive and to try and be a good example. but i'm just gonna keep trying. if at first you dont suceed, try try again right? so now im gonna pick myself up from a fall, disregard everything that has frustrated me and is going to and just smile. maybe not on my face cause i have an ulcer but i'll be smiling in my heart no matter what. because no matter what comes at me, be it losing a competition, getting scolded, realising that my friends dont care, not getting to go for what i wanna go for, not having enough time to do what i wanna, i'm gonna take it head on with a smile. i know people are gonna make me fun of me for this. my friends think im weird. i dont care. i'm weird, if you think it's annoying then stop being my friend idiot. DUH. haha well enough blogging for now. SMILE!

Friday, 21 December 2007

I have decided not to bother with any fancy backgrounds cause i really dont care anymore. Anyway, long time no blog. Well, lately life has been.....weird. Apparently my medication is causing me to be edgy and irritable and now that I've stopped it, I feel weaker than decaf coffee. But i'm glad to say i think i've sorta got things back on track spiritually and emotionally. Unlike a lot of my friends, i didnt go to camp, so i'm not totally high on God or anything, but i'm gonna make a conscious effort. A lot of people ask me stuff like, WHY DIDNT YOU GO FOR CAMP!!!?!?!??! and i just casually reply that i didnt want to. In all honesty, a part of me just wanted to prove that i didnt need a camp to be high on God. honestly, i didnt want to have to go through some emotional roller coaster so i could feel God's presence. while i'm can't say i've felt that same closeness that a lot of my friends have recently, i think i can safely say that i still feel God watching over me and that when push comes to shove, i can still put all my faith in Him.
Anyway, i know this post is kinda long, but wait! there's more! starting a blog again made me think about my old one that I sorta devoted to God. i think teenage cynicism has killed a lot of that kid in me that was willing to be so devoted, so starting now, right here with this blog, i'm gonna try to be that kid again. At least, spiritually. besides, now that my friends are mature enough, i dont think so many people are gonna think i'm weird. In any case, my lesson from God this past couple of days has been....different. Usually it's always something about trust and faith. But lately, i feel that the most prominent message God has been trying to get through to me is that no matter how horrible things seem, no matter how depressed or no matter how far you drift, God will always be there for you to find your rest in. Recently i stumbled across a verse that just seemed to speak to me.
It is God's gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in all their toil Ecclesiastes 3:13
It's not a particularly common verse, but i guess what it's trying to say is that we should just live our lives and be happy living it. Everyone knows life isn't a garden of roses, but God's gift is to be able to push through with a smile on our hearts and if we try hard enough, a smile on our faces too. When i think about school and training next year, or all the activities that are gonna keep me swamped, or not being able to go out with my friends because we're all so busy, it's just so overwhelming. But because my Lord has commanded it, i'm gonna try a little harder to keep that smile on my face.